Since my first blog post I have asked myself, “Why blog? What could I possibly gain from it?” Especially since it didn’t go over so well. But no matter how many answers and excuses I have came up with I still go back to the piece of advice that sparked it all, writers must blog.
“Blog? Me? HA! ” was pretty much what ran through my mind when I read that piece of advice. Why would anyone want to read what I have to say when I have yet to complete a novel or screenplay? I figured I would be laughed off as a joke, a wanna be. At one point I decided that I would blog once I finally finished a project or maybe even two. But ever since I read the advice about blogging notion of starting my own blog had nagged at me ceaselessly until I begrudgingly posted my first article. Oh, the sweet relief, how soon you were over.
My first post is all about me but with little of who I am now found within it. I’m newly 28, happily in love, and hopelessly trying to bring my dreams alive through words. My life is often my muse. I’m not a literary prodigy but I am talented, too talented and inspired to let my gift go unnoticed. That’s what the first post should have said. Arrogant? Nah, just confident with what I have created.
So, if you’ve managed to make it this far, thank you. Hopefully you will continue reading my future posts because I have decided that since I am not an established writer, yet, I will write this blog as a journal. It will contain the stories, opinions, advice, and failures of a young writer trying to succeed in a very harsh business. Later I will introduce you to my many projects that I hope excite you as much as they do me.
My prayer for today is to have an open heart and mind.
In the beginning…Becky (me) was so scared about writing her first blog she nearly forgot how opinionated she really is…
…But to help ease the anxiety I thought I would answer a series of questions over the next few days to help introduce myself to potential followers. This is just a brief biography for now but I promise I’m interesting so just “bear” with me. 😉
1. Who am I?
I am Becky, a simply complicated 27 year old woman from the mountains of southeastern Kentucky. I was a Daddy’s girl from the moment I was born and my Mama’s terror. I loved the outdoors and to call me a “tomboy” would have been an understatement. Most days I spent outside taking advantage of what quiet mountain living has to offer. I roamed the holler (“hollow” as proper folk call it) catching crawdads and other unsuspecting bugs to torture, playing with my many dogs, or fishing in the pond above my house and in the river at my grandparents. Most nights always ended in a fight with my Mama. She had always wanted a little girl who would be her little doll wearing pretty bows and dresses but she had me – a girl who would rather be whooped than to have her hair brushed. I didn’t know it then but those would be the memories I love the most.
I went through all the phases a typical girl goes through as she matures. I knew it all and I wanted it all which I usually got because I was the baby of the family (I freely admit I was spoiled). Academically I made good grades and socially I was friends with everyone. But at home I lived in the somber reality that my parents were both very ill. During that time in my life the hardest thing I had ever done was leave home to attend the University of Kentucky when all I wanted was to be home with my family. In the end I was a girl with a dream of world domination though so I moved to Lexington. I was a major in Political Science with a minor in Arabic & Islamic Studies. I rocked my Freshman year exceeding my own expectations but at the same time my heart was torn. Every weekend when I would go home to the mountains my heart would break a little more. The two people who I idolized were slipping away and a couple months into my Sophomore year my Daddy passed away…
After my Daddy passed away my life changed dramatically. I left college to take care of my Mama who had a massive stroke little over a month after my Daddy’s death and sadly my dreams died with him. For the next four years I devoted all my attention to my Mama but in the end after suffering so long she was called home and I came close to losing my mind. I really never knew how lost I truly was until I look back on it now but prayer and hope saved me from the loneliness.
The fall of 2009 I went back to the University of Kentucky hoping and praying that I would be able to find myself again but neither my heart or my mind was there. A financial aid secretary calling me an orphan didn’t help matters. Anxiety became a huge problem and all I wanted was to be alone…but I met a boy. Until then I had never dated or even kissed a boy. I was a content 23 year old virgin but I wanted someone I could be more than physically intimate with. We were really great as friends but the spark just wasn’t there. The next boy, he was the special one. He was my escape from a life I didn’t want. It’s the relationship I had with him that taught me so many life lessons I will share over time.
The summer of 2010 I made the decision that to many was a mistake. I chose to leave UK. At the time the special boy and I were planning on marrying in the fall and I finally accepted the fact I was miserable forcing myself to be somewhere I truly felt I didn’t belong. I had my way out and I was taking it until tragedy struck again. I won’t go into detail now but the end result devastated me. My anxiety was worse than ever and my relationship with my family was very strained. For the next year I was lost in a haze as I begin to deal with all the suppressed emotions from my parents deaths to a devastating breakup. I moved and began taking care of my cousins children while she worked. I dated very little during that time and you’ll eventually hear stories about those experiences, some are funny and others you’re going to ask me what the hell was I thinking. Trust me, I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to feel again and slowly I began to thanks to the kids. They also helped calm the anxiety tremendously. And even though I was moving on a part of my heart was still with the special boy…but then I met the one.
That’s where I’ll end the story of me for now. If you ever have any questions please fee free to ask. You’ll quickly learn I rarely hold anything back. I also hope that you will follow me throughout this new adventure of blogging.